Vroooom!

People need to learn how to drive. I'm serious. Especially the ones with big cars. I had a little free time on my hands and conducted some research. Turns out, the bigger the car you drive, the worse of a driver you are. And it makes sense, too. If you're a bad driver, driving is really scary cause you're always on the verge of bumping into things or getting hit by drivers staying in their lanes. So what do you do to feel more secure? You get a big old vehicle which makes you feel all cozy and protected. And that vehicle is usually one of the sports utility persuasion, but pick-up trucks too. Problem with that is, that if you're already a bad driver, getting a big car only aggravates the calamity. Cause now an already bad driver has way more on their hands than they can possibly handle. But the car makes them feel secure, so they pay even less attention. For the rest of us it means botched parking jobs, or actually botching anything having to do with parking or driving in a parking lot, and generally driving like they have no clue. Anyway, to express it in mathematical terms:

car size / a = amount of bad driving

where "a" is driving ability on a scale from 1 to 10.

Sing theory.

I have been developing a theory about musicians from New Jersey. As you may well know, the Garden State has an image problem. And when I thought of it, I had "dirty industrial areas" and "Bon Jovi" in my head. The theory, and as you will soon find out, this is the scientific kind of theory that serves as a model to explain a certain aspect of the world, as in the theory of relativity, is that bands from New Jersey are freaking awesome (Axiom 1). Solo artists, however, are not so hot (Axiom 2). Have a look at the field data: Monster Magnet - Awesome. The Fugees - Awesome. Bruce Springsteen - Unawesome. So far so good.

But what about Bon Jovi? First of all, just admit it, when you hear "Livin' on a Prayer" or "Wanted Dead or Alive" come on the radio, you feel the excitement swell up inside of you and almost start humming those undeniably annoying songs. But then you would admit those songs are at least partly fun, so you swallow that hum, honk you horn (New York City drivers only, and yes, that's why there is so much honking going on in that town, but that's a different theory altogether), and vow never to talk about it to anyone. If somebody else is with you, you actually start singing along, in a way that suggests you are mocking the song, in order to assert your dislike of that abomination of a band. It's okay, we all do it.

Then remember, that Jon Bon Jovi is the singer of Bon Jovi, and thus they belong to a particular subset of bands, a subset that, at least to my knowledge, does not exclusively contain crappy, but definitely questionable bands. They're bands named after one of their members, usually the singer, without actually saying "band" in the name. Like Alice Cooper, Marilyn Manson and, of course Bon Jovi. Anyway, Bon Jovi doesn't count as an example of a NJ band that isn't awesome, because they are named after their leading member (Axiom 3).

Enter Titus Andronicus for further proof. Back in 11th or 12th grade, I was struggling a little in my English class. In case you didn't know, the German school system goes up to grade 13, and you have either classes that meet twice a week, or intensive ones that meet 3 times, and individual sessions last longer. You have to pick 2 intensives starting in the second half of 11th grade where I'm from, and a bunch of regular ones. I picked English and Math as my intensive classes, because those were my favorites and I got decent grades. However, I wasn't doing as well in the English class as I was expecting. I ended up doing a few sessions with a tutor, who basically helped me practice writing essays, and next thing you know, I get a freaking 1 in the next test (scale is 1-6, 1 being the best). No, it was the second next. But that doesn't matter. What matters is, that the test was on Shakespeare's Macbeth. I really enjoyed reading it, and that good grade was a great reward. And what's even better, I didn't struggle in that class from there on after. All thanks to Ol' Bill da Bearded. Yeah, he has a rap name. And the tutor of course, but I like to think she just helped me get on the right path. I had to do the walking myself.

Also, an album with the first song called "Fear and Loathing in Mahwah, NJ" is almost certain to be awesome, especially if you actually know where that town is. Though I think some people might not like the singer sounding a bit like Johnny Rotten sometimes. I guess it's an acquired taste. But Fear and Loathing, the one of the Las Vegas persuasion, reminds me of another great book, one of my all-time favorites, on which I wrote a paper in university and also received an excellent grade. It's "The Crying of Lot 49", which incorporates some elements of "Oedipus the King" by Sophocles, who also wrote "Antigone", which we saw at the theater last night. Science, Shakespeare, Greek drama, Rock and Roll. Is that what life is all about?

Buy Buy Buy.

It's been so long that you probably don't remember what this is following up to, but it seems like to every post I write these days, I have to do a short follow-up. So let's keep it short: What are your feelings about juice from a brand named "Looza". Look deep inside of you.

I kinda feel like I keep writing about the same thing, but once again I made some observations while fulfilling my capitalist duties. Now, I like shopping at Walmart as much as the next person, but while I think most negative aspects about shopping there are merely questions of degree, there is one thing that really bothers me above all. It's those edited CDs. They shouldn't even exist, and, at least to me, represent some of the things about the US I'm not particularly fond of. First, there is the hypocrisy of selling plenty of violent movies and games, but a few naughty words, and instead of helping to devise a system similar to movies and video games that restricts the sale of some items to people that are too young, they don't even give you a choice. Instead they think it's much better to censor the artists. And what's up with people leaving their shopping carts in the parking lot? I'm not the only one to notice, but it's becoming an epidemic. In Germany, most supermarkets make you put in a coin to get a cart, which you get back when you return it. And guess what? No carts in the lots in Germany. I'm convinced that 90% of the carts left in lots are left there because people are lazy, not because it was physically impossible or unreasonable for the person to return it. Lazy Americans!

I'm starting to think that maybe my heightened awareness of things related to consumerism is an aftershock of the year we spent in New Zealand. Another thing I became more aware of when we were there are the ingredients in the different kinds of food. The other day we accidentally almost bought no-fat yogurt, and when I looked at the calorie count, I noticed a difference that the absence of fat alone could not explain. And guess what, a regular yogurt has about 15-20 of its total 150-190 calories from fat, yet a no-fat yogurt has almost half the total calories. The REAL difference is not the fat content, as its prominent placement on the cup and lid would have you believe, but the sugar. No-fat yogurt has none. It uses Aspartame (aka NutraSweet aka E951 aka Equal aka Canderel aka ...) instead, which accounts for the more significant difference between the two. Yet, most yogurt makers find it more important to point at the fat content. Sure, it's just clever marketing as health-conscious buyers try to steer clear of artificial sweeteners, but I can't help but feel it's downright misleading and dishonest. It's like selling water as Diet Coke, and calling it Diet Coke Clear, or some better comparison you can make up yourself. I'm multi-tasking today and following College Basketball while writing this. Also, if my math is vaguely right, full-fat yogurt should only have about 20, maybe 40 calories more than low-fat. That is so insignificant, it's not even funny.

In other news, I'm so glad that daylight savings time is just a few short days away is finally here! That's how long it takes me to write posts these days.