Sing theory.

I have been developing a theory about musicians from New Jersey. As you may well know, the Garden State has an image problem. And when I thought of it, I had "dirty industrial areas" and "Bon Jovi" in my head. The theory, and as you will soon find out, this is the scientific kind of theory that serves as a model to explain a certain aspect of the world, as in the theory of relativity, is that bands from New Jersey are freaking awesome (Axiom 1). Solo artists, however, are not so hot (Axiom 2). Have a look at the field data: Monster Magnet - Awesome. The Fugees - Awesome. Bruce Springsteen - Unawesome. So far so good.

But what about Bon Jovi? First of all, just admit it, when you hear "Livin' on a Prayer" or "Wanted Dead or Alive" come on the radio, you feel the excitement swell up inside of you and almost start humming those undeniably annoying songs. But then you would admit those songs are at least partly fun, so you swallow that hum, honk you horn (New York City drivers only, and yes, that's why there is so much honking going on in that town, but that's a different theory altogether), and vow never to talk about it to anyone. If somebody else is with you, you actually start singing along, in a way that suggests you are mocking the song, in order to assert your dislike of that abomination of a band. It's okay, we all do it.

Then remember, that Jon Bon Jovi is the singer of Bon Jovi, and thus they belong to a particular subset of bands, a subset that, at least to my knowledge, does not exclusively contain crappy, but definitely questionable bands. They're bands named after one of their members, usually the singer, without actually saying "band" in the name. Like Alice Cooper, Marilyn Manson and, of course Bon Jovi. Anyway, Bon Jovi doesn't count as an example of a NJ band that isn't awesome, because they are named after their leading member (Axiom 3).

Enter Titus Andronicus for further proof. Back in 11th or 12th grade, I was struggling a little in my English class. In case you didn't know, the German school system goes up to grade 13, and you have either classes that meet twice a week, or intensive ones that meet 3 times, and individual sessions last longer. You have to pick 2 intensives starting in the second half of 11th grade where I'm from, and a bunch of regular ones. I picked English and Math as my intensive classes, because those were my favorites and I got decent grades. However, I wasn't doing as well in the English class as I was expecting. I ended up doing a few sessions with a tutor, who basically helped me practice writing essays, and next thing you know, I get a freaking 1 in the next test (scale is 1-6, 1 being the best). No, it was the second next. But that doesn't matter. What matters is, that the test was on Shakespeare's Macbeth. I really enjoyed reading it, and that good grade was a great reward. And what's even better, I didn't struggle in that class from there on after. All thanks to Ol' Bill da Bearded. Yeah, he has a rap name. And the tutor of course, but I like to think she just helped me get on the right path. I had to do the walking myself.

Also, an album with the first song called "Fear and Loathing in Mahwah, NJ" is almost certain to be awesome, especially if you actually know where that town is. Though I think some people might not like the singer sounding a bit like Johnny Rotten sometimes. I guess it's an acquired taste. But Fear and Loathing, the one of the Las Vegas persuasion, reminds me of another great book, one of my all-time favorites, on which I wrote a paper in university and also received an excellent grade. It's "The Crying of Lot 49", which incorporates some elements of "Oedipus the King" by Sophocles, who also wrote "Antigone", which we saw at the theater last night. Science, Shakespeare, Greek drama, Rock and Roll. Is that what life is all about?