Got Rooney?

No, this is not a soccer post. Because on this blog, we're too good for English players. Way too good. I saw this on 60 Minutes today, and even though it's from 2005, it seems to speak right from the bottom of my heart. The problem as Mr Rooney describes it still persists, too: I challenge you to go to a grocery store and find plain old milk. The closest you'll get it Vitamin D milk, which I grudgingly accept since Vitamin D isn't all that bad for you. I just saw something on TV explaining how the Vitamin D in milk isn't having a huge impact on your overall vitamin household though. Yoghurt is even worse in this country. It's all low-fat and no-fat and diet and eat-me-and-you'll-poop-like-a-champ white goo with either loads of sugar or artificial sweetener (don't even get me started on that one). But where's regular old yoghurt? It's hard enough to find plain and the "greek-style" ones seem to be a little better, but I haven't sampled them extensively due to their no-bargain price tag. I just settle for low-fat ones and try to feel smug. The other day we saw some no-fat processed cheese slices that weren't actually called cheese anymore but food substitute. How can consumers be demanding this? Buttermilk's another good one. What happened to buttermilk? It's popular with eco-fanatics and alternative types all over Germany, but over here, all they have is low-fat buttermilk. That to me is an oxymoron to begin with. I also noticed that school cafeterias and government-sponsored diet advice promotes 2% milk. But you know what I'm really wondering? What the heck happens with all the fat they remove from dairy products. I'm imagining gigantic underground lakes of dairy fat or mountains of the stuff, covered with equally enormous tarps and sold back to the people as fancy bouncing castles. Or smaller versions marketed as insoles containing only 100% natural materials.